Though some social media should never be allowed on cyber space, I came across this gem quote by Pete Wentz in an email years ago. I can’t vouch for him and his lifestyle choice, but I do appreciate his insight when it comes to women and their value.
“Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they’re afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples up top think that something’s wrong with them when in reality they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along – the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”
Ever felt as though you were one of those apples at the top of the tree, totally invisible to any suitable candidate because you were so high above the ground? You watch with envy when the other young women get snatched up and whisked away to their fairytale romance, and you’re left hanging from the highest branch…waiting.
I know how it feels. I was thirty-two when I got married. My high standards and desire for God’s best kept me “hanging” for years. However, when I looked at some of the other “apples” and what they had to go through to get their man, hanging didn’t look so bad. I refused to be one of those “easy” girls. I wanted to be listed in the category of “amazing.” I wanted to attract the guy “who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top.” I realized, though, that attracting the right one comes with a price…the price of sticking to what makes me who I am.
Like I did for a season, the world looks at a person and finds that person’s value in what that person can do. Look at Hollywood. Very rarely do you see a magazine headline boasting about a woman’s virtues: “Sally Smith Is Voted ‘Most Virtuous Woman’ in 2016!” Instead, you’ll see them applauding a person’s acting ability, great talents, or amazing beauty. All of it is based on what that person can do or what they like. But God declares that a person’s value is based on who they are as God’s creation and on the love He has for them, regardless of their talents or looks. God looks at the heart when it comes to deciding a person’s worth.
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7
God made you amazing! David said in Psalm 139:14, I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. He placed in your unique characteristics that make you you, that make your life interesting to both you and the people around you. Your life is colored by your talents, personality, likes and dislikes. But who you are is the most important part about you.
My favorite verse since I was a teenager has been Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she will be praised. Your maturity, your lifestyle, and your godly character are what counts in a relationship. They are the attributes that will stand for eternity and never fade with age. They’re free, and you can have them without being the next Hilton or Lopez.
If you’re a young woman whose focus is on being like Jesus, your desire will be to use your look, talents, and abilities to advance the Kingdom of God. If you use those talents to try to attract a boy, you will be very disappointed. Who you are determines the man that you attract. Do you want a man who is only attracted to your looks and talents, or a man that values what God’s desires most in a person? A man who only appreciates your body or your amazing singing voice will be a man that abandons you when those things fade and times get tough. That would be the man going for the “easy apple.”
The Easy Apple
Miss Easy is the type of girl who’s desperate for a relationship. She hangs around the trunk of the tree, hoping that the right man for her will see her in plain sight and sweep her off her feet. The problem is that Miss Easy Apple’s method of attracting a guy to her life is based on the shallow exterior. As a result, who she attracts will be someone attracted to exactly what she’s flaunting—shallow charm and beauty. In the book of Proverbs, this woman is considered very foolish.
Flattery is excessive or insincere praise. Miss Easy often uses this trait to get a man’s attention by raving on and on about his looks or talents. Since men thrive on affirmation, a guy that uses flattery himself will rise to the occasion. This means is setting Miss Easy up for heartbreak because she’ll soon find that everything Mr. Easy’s been saying to her wasn’t from his heart. Though Mr. Brave likes affirmation like every other man, he sees right through her shallow praise.
Like flattery, flirting is based on selfishness. Some people just think it’s cute, but it’s making a demand on someone to focus on them, but for the wrong reasons. The guys who respond to flirting are the ones who do plenty of it themselves—with whichever girl is closest. Excessive flirtation, on the other hand, makes Mr. Brave nauseous.
Miss Easy also likes to hang around the “in” crowd because she thinks it will cause her to be more accepted. This “hangout” might give her a chance with one of those hot guys everyone raves over. This action will also turn out disappointing. Most of the time, the popular crowd is made up of peers who sport worldly lifestyles and everything Miss Easy should avoid if she really wants to get somewhere in life. Mr. Brave doesn’t hang out there, but Mr. Easy sure does!
No Plan for the Future
Miss Easy’s main plan for her future is romance. Her world revolves around the next date. No matter what she does, her mind immediately goes to the men who will potentially be there. If she applies for a new job, she considers the male employees. If she goes to the store, she wonders what man she might run into. Her focus is consistently revolving around little more than gratifying her romance life. If she does happen to get an exciting idea to attend college or help in her church, the nagging idea of another boyfriend is not far behind. Unfortunately, any man who’s focus is on Jesus will find that life’s mission in another young woman very shallow. Only Mr. Easy finds her unending spontaneity enticing.
Lack of Integrity
Integrity is a near-lost art to Miss Easy. She is so engrossed in promoting her life and her relationships that she will do anything to get it. A little fib here and there doesn’t seem to faze her as long as she gets what she wants. That lack of integrity shows up in more than her work ethic, however. It shows up in her relationships as well. She will put on a “good girl” face and tell a few sweet lies to get a guy to think she’s something more than she really is. This will eventually backfire, however, because even Mr. Easy will eventually see through her charade. Mr. Brave will steer clear from the very start.
Because of her lack of integrity, Miss Easy tends to make foolish decisions based on the way she feels. Her money very quickly disappears at the mall or online. She agrees to make deals with people because it looks good on the surface. Being led by the Holy Spirit, of course, isn’t even considered. Again and again her foolish lifestyle draws her away from stability and the life God had always intended for her to have. In the meantime, Mr. Brave is going in the opposite direction, while foolish Mr. Easy is in hot pursuit.
Miss Easy craves beauty, but like charm, it’s deceitful. It not only can change; it will change. There’s not a person on this planet who doesn’t undergo a shift in appearance as the years go by. Because her value and means of attracting guys is all wrapped around the exterior, this attribute is especially important to Miss Easy. She’ll “dress to impress” and spend hours preparing to flaunt herself. She sees her worth in how she looks as if that’s the only significant part of her. Mr. Easy will be instantly attracted for all the wrong reasons, but Mr. Brave will decline because of the lack of virtue he sees in her heart.
To be continued…