Years ago I sat in a class on marriage taught by my pastor at the time. I was an avid note-taker during church, and kept these notes for years. Every single young lady would benefit from considering these points! – Christa
Things to Consider Before Saying “I Do”
Build your house (not just physical) on wisdom, knowledge, and understanding so your judgment isn’t clouded by emotions. These are the principle things.
Are you the right person?
I Thessalonians 5:23
- First, BE the right person.
- People, not marriages, fail.
- DO NOT marry to overcome the inadequacy of your character or personality.
- Flaws will be magnified in marriage.
- Become WHOLE (though not perfect) person in your own right.
Are you and your friend spiritually prepared?
Luke 6:46, Psalm 127:1, 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, Ephesians 5:22-24
- Will you allow Jesus to be the Lord of your marriage? By allowing Him lordship, it will ensure success for your marriage.
Are you and your friend emotionally prepared?
Being Emotionally Prepared Will Be Evidenced By:
- Bringing selfishness under control and being “others-minded.” Philippians 2:4
- Acting out of commitment rather than feelings.
Two Kinds of People:
|“What is easiest?”||“What is right?”|
|“When I feel good, then I’ll do it.”||“When I do it, then I’ll feel good.”|
|Controlled by moods||Controlled by priorities|
|Selfish mindset||Servant mindset|
|Life and lips disagree||Life and lips agree|
|Looks for excuses||No excuses|
|Outwardly influenced||Inward conviction|
|Quits during tough times||Continues during tough times|
Commitment – the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the mood in which it was made is gone.
Commitment is based on character, not on outward circumstances. You’re committed to a covenant.
- Repeat your commitment to each other and your emotions will grow.
Are you and your friend morally prepared?
- Moral purity should be an established part of your life before marriage.
I Thessalonians 4:1-8
- You can’t go back and make a brand new start, but you can start where you are and start a brand new end.
Are you and your friend financially prepared?
- Statistic: Four more failures in marriage because of money than because of immorality.
- Statistic: 80% of divorces between people 25-30 based on financial difficulty.
- Get a grip on Biblical stewardship BEFORE marriage.
- Establish God’s ownership over possessions, and establish your stewardship over what he’s entrusted to you.
- Put God first in tithes and offerings.
- Be a faithful steward of the rest by budgeting and living within your means.
- Use wisdom.
- Borrow responsibly.
Recommended Book: The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples by Larry Burkett
Is the Young Man:
- Committed in taking the lead in ordering finances?
- Willing to provide for the needs of his family? I Timothy 5:8
- Is he able to keep a steady job?
- Is he committed to acting responsibly to his and your elderly parents? I Timothy 5:4
Have you considered your friend’s family background?
- When you marry, you marry their family.
I Corinthians 7:36-38
- Fathers have the discretion of giving their unmarried daughter in marriage. He has the authority.
- The man leaves his family, but the daughter is under the covering of her father until she marries.
- The stronger the character background, the stronger your friend’s character will be. And vise versa.
- Childhood happiness
- Relationship with parents
- This is a VERY important issue.
- What your friend has experienced in their past determines what their home will be like. That is their only frame of reference.
- Exception: If a person gets radically saved and receives revelation on how it’s really supposed to be.
Do you understand you obligations to the marriage, and are you willing to keep them?
Ephesians 5:22-24 – woman’s obligation to submit
Ephesians 5:25-29 – man’s obligation to love
- Can the woman submit for the rest of her life? Can the man love – lay down his life for this woman – for the rest of his life?
Do you and your friend have a conviction for Biblical child training?
Ephesians 6:4 – father’s obligation to train
How do your parents and leaders feel about your proposed marriage?
Proverbs 23:22, Hebrews 13:17
- Listen to the voice of God through your parents. Listen to your pastor’s counsel.
Do you honestly have the permission of your Lord, and the inward witness of the Holy Spirit?
- Divorce never ends. The pain keeps going in the years to come.
- Do you pass the Scriptural eligibility for remarriage?
Scriptural grounds for divorce:
- Unbeliever abandoning a believer
Matthew 19:1, Proverbs 3:5,6, Colossians 3:15
- It takes character to make a successful marriage. It may take longer to find a charactered mate in this world that’s becoming more and more uncharactered.
- Find a charactered mate