Many females (myself included), in some way or another, have been guilty of going on the trek called “finding a husband.” Most of the time no one would label it that, but they’ve done it subtly – or not so subtly – in our actions every day. Send a message here, drop a hint there . . . it’s their way of waving our flag of desperation and saying, “Hey, I’m single and would reeeally like to be married!” They’ve taken it upon themselves to look, and ultimately, to find. He has to be out there somewhere! If they’d just look hard enough, act a certain way….
If you’ve ever been in that position, you will probably agree that the outcome of your search wasn’t satisfying. For example, your “finding” found you at a dead end with a dead beat and extreme disappointment. That’s because as ladies, you were never meant to go on a hunt. You weren’t designed to do the finding. You’re created to let the Creator of your life bring the right person into your world in His time – in His way.
Let’s take a look at two very different ladies:
Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named
Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’
feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached
Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her
to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and
troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part,
which will not be taken away from him.” (Luke 10:38-42).
A “Martha” without a husband would be scurrying around frantically trying to make her relationship a reality. Ultimately, when the whole thing flopped, she would be more frustrated than when she started. There’s no peace, just a desperate urge to do and make something happen. On the other hand, an unmarried Mary has found her peace in her Lord. She’s content to sit at His feet and listen to His wisdom. She’s found the “good part” – on her knees.
Note that Jesus wasn’t cracking His whip and ordering Martha about to get things in order; neither was He ignoring her plight. He was present, yet she failed to see that His presence was the only thing she needed. On the contrary, Mary understood Jesus’ value in her life. Instead of stressing to orchestrate something, she allowed His presence and words to give her life. She loved Him.
Maybe you feel like a Martha right now – you’re single and you hate it. I understand. The guyless and dateless season can be an awkward time for any girl. Those times come with all kinds of frustrations: sadness, discontentment, lack of self-confidence, discouragement. When you hit these feelings, your immediate response is to search frantically for the guy, a guy, or any guy. Your focus in life takes a crazy turn. All you can think about is your lack of a love life. You have no peace of mind. You’ve lost all sense of meaning. Life couldn’t get much worse.
I know exactly what you’re feeling. I’ve been in that season and have come across all those emotions – sometimes all at once; however, in pursuing a relationship with Jesus and His Word (like Mary), I found no permission for a pity party. I only find encouragement for what’s to come. Every time I turned around, God would drop something into my heart to help me with the issue of waiting for Mr. Right. A one-liner, a Scripture verse, an encouraging word would seem to come out of the most unexpected places to keep me going. Those events made me realize I’m not alone; God saw my life and my desires – and He cared. For this reason, I determined that I wasn’t going to get trapped in the rut of feeling sorry for myself. Too much goodness could come out of that point in my life. I might as well enjoy every minute of it!
What you believe determines how you will survive being single. The “singleness stress” has to be countered with a change of thinking. When you see things with the right perspective, your vision becomes defined and clear. You’re able not only to survive what you’re facing; but also you’re able to come out on top. The best thing you can do for yourself is see this time in your life the way God sees it, conform your thoughts and desires to His, and let what you believe shape your future. Getting to that point only comes from finding Him, seeking Him, and loving Him. Just as you find the wisdom, direction, and peace that you need through being with Jesus, you find your heart’s desire fulfilled by pursuing Him. Your focus is so wrapped up in Who He is that the frantic organization of your life fades away as you let Him do the directing.